Murtagh's Top Secret Journal
by RosieBriggs
Summary: The personal diary of Murtagh Morzanson. Follow the adventures of Alagaesia's favorite rogue as his storyline plays out with a few twists and turns, but still stays true to Paolini's original plot. A lighthearted take on the Inheritance Cycle.


**Murtagh's Top Secret Journal**

** Day One:**

**Decided to keep journal. This IS a journal, cuz guys like me DO NOT keep diaries.**

**Galby's minions finally stopped chasing me, lost em'. Decided that a wandering life is for me. Going to check out the lay o' the land round Dras Leona. Hittin' the road.**

** Personal Status: clean shaven...not evil...**

** Day Two:**

**Day til I get to dras leona. Made good soup last night, ate it all.**

** Personal Status: Free of command...not evil...**

** Day Three:**

**Sneaking around the country side, and happened upon two chumps getting beat up by the bug guys i've been huntin all these weeks. Gave em' the arrow in the back, didn't kill em' though. Saved chumps' sorry butts. One is old and other is questionably younger than me. Has baby face anyway. There is also a big blue lizard protecting them. It let me take off it' chains but tried to bite my head off when I got near the humans. Old man is hurt, dragon DID let me bind wound, but that was it. **

** Personal Status: babysitting grown men...not evil...**

** Day Four:**

**Young dude woke up today. Told him to call off lizard, apparently the boy is a rider, and they don't tolerate insults to their dragons. Boy has broke ribs too. Painful. Told him name was murtagh but nothing more.**

** Personal Status: Babysitting continued...not evil...**

** Day Five:**

**Old man died, heard eragon, who is the boy, call him brom. THE BROM? Wow, I feel honored to be in the presence of the man who killed my father...no...really...i do! Had to bury him cuz eragon is WAY too lazy!**

** Personal Status: tired of digging holes just to hit stone a foot down... proper graves are supposed to be six feet deep...**

** Day Six:**

**Saphira, the lizard, turned rock tomb into diamond, nice trick. Would be nice to have her around at my funeral, long into the future. Decided that I will stick with eragon a little ways, an' keep an eye out for him while his ribs are broken. The kid tends to cry, but i'll stand for it for a while. Eragon accepted my offer of help after a bowl of my world famous soup. Is he mooching me? **

** Personal Status: not evil... goin' on a road trip!...**

** Day Seven: **

**heading toward gilead, eragon wants to find a varden contact, so he can follow in brom's footsteps. Don't want to go to the varden. Because my father was evil, i'm not much use to them, they won't trust me. Even though I am the image of honesty.**

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Eight: **

**I'm also the image of handsomeness. Told eragon I would not go all the way to varden, he got a little irritated, cuz I guess he needs my help that bad. Eragon had dream about a beautiful girl who needs to be rescued or something. Told him that said girl was probably a jailbird, not because she was in a cell but because he pretty ones always are. And because only dopey eragon would dream of a convict. All in all, we are going to check all the jails we pass for the pretty girl.**

** Personal Status:not evil...still babysitting...**

** Day Nine:**

**kinda boring. Made soup, eragon ate most of it. Dragon doesn't trust me, am hurt, as am the image of honesty.**

** Personal Status: honestly not evil...**

** Day Ten:**

**haven't writen in days. Half way to gilead. Having fun watching eragon try to speed up rib healing process. Had to borrow pair of eragon's socks while I fix the holes in mine. Blue not my color.**

** Personal Status: not evil...bored...**

** Day Eleven: **

**more days gone by than care to count...eragon probably CAN'T count at all. Lots closer to gilead, E's ribs healed. E has taken to slow motion fencing. Doesn't think I know how to fight good enough to match him I guess. Will show him off if i get the chance . One day til gilead, getting all wound up.**

** Personal Status: can't wait to actually do something...not evil...**

** Day Twelve: **

**Camped outside gilead, just convinced eragon that he should wait here for me to get back from finding varden guy. He said sure, so here goes nothin'**

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Thirteen:**

**had to run out of gilead, cuz saw someone who could get me caught by the king...big mouth. I'm just too well known. Told eragon what varden gut told me, said he'd meet us at camp. So going to bed now.**

** Personal Status: not evil...but kinda worried about my freedom...**

** Day Fourteen:**

**cannot believe what's going on now! E got himself captured by urgals and taken into gilead. Stupid boy! I however fought my way out of getting captured, and am now staking out plan with e's dragon. Oh! Just thought of master plan! Gotta tell lizard!**

** Personal Status: not evil...trying to help E...**

** Day Fifteen:**

**dragon couldn't contact E, and so couldn't swing master plan into action...yet. Will see as time goes on how to formulate full escape.**

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Sixteen: **

**Made Contact! Went into city. Found E being attacked by six dudes, killed four of six. Rescued jailbird elf. Saved e's hide. Shot shade between eyes. Escaped on dragon. Are running now.**

** Personal Status: running again...not evil...**

** Day Seventeen:**

**dragon got arrow in wing while escaping us from jail. Had to help e pull it out. Held wing while e jerked. Stupid dragon wing knocked me over a little. E laughed so hard I had to sit on him. Running again now. Big group of men chasing me and e.**

** Personal Status: hungry, tired, what's new?...not evil...**

** Day Eighteen:**

**sparred with eragon yesterday, I let him think that we were evenly matched cuz I was too bored to beat him. Dragon also seemed to have that idea. I'll show them both up someday. Made it over Ramr river, threw off pursuit. Still going fast though. Going to go to the varden with e then leave.**

** Personal Status: traveling fast...not evil...**

** Day Nineteen:**

**stupid wants to cross the desert to get to the varden. Told him we'd die of thirst. He said no worries and that he'd think over the problem. No worries... yeah right. E couldn't think out a solution if he were named Einstein. Don't know where I got that name... it sounded smart though. **

** Personal Status: The name Murtagh sounds smart AND handsome... not evil...**

** Day Twenty:**

**e found solution :( is gonna draw water from the dirt.**

** Personal Status: going to the desert...not evil...**

** Day Twenty-one:**

**Not happy times in desert. Sun, heat, sand... cough. Hate it here, so does e, but stupid dragon loves it. Thinking about growing full beard just to anger e who can't grow one yet.**

** Personal Status: what would I look like with a Fu Man Chu?...not evil...**

** Day Twenty-two:**

**have decided not to grow beard as it might decrease charms perchance. Eragon took the liberty of pointing out the hills in the distance as the bottoms of HUGE mountains. Yelled at him for disturbing concentration because I of course already knew what they were days ago!**

** Personal Status: talent wasted over cross-country...not evil...**

** Day Twenty-three:**

**have just spotted army Still following us! I thought the river would throw them off! WHAT GIVES? Had to tell e who reacted dumbly. Running again now. No time to make soup. Must eat cold crap tonight.**

** Personal Status: tired of running, I mean COME ON!...not evil...**

** Day Twenty-four:**

**e searched the elf lady's mind, who btw is still in a coma. Found she is Arya the dragon egg courier, and is under poison effect. Must go to the varden to get stuff to save her. So she gave e a little find the varden tutorial, and off we go again. Fun fun fun.**

** Personal Status:not evil...**

** Day Twenty-five:**

**have discovered why the chasing army's so fast. Are urgals not men... just peachy. Gotta go even faster now and sleep in the saddle. You have no idea how much that idea pains me. THIS MUCH!**

** Personal Status: pained...not evil...**

** Day Twenty-six:**

**met some slavers on the road who tried to enslave us into slavery,the little twerps. dragon came down and scare all away but the head palooka. So I chopped his head off. Somehow this upset e, who was all like: gosh man, he didn't have a chance couldn't you have just let him go? So I had to explain why e was wrong and why I had to kill him and yadda yadda yadda. This did not satisfy e and he wanted me to apologize. I said heck no and now I am not open to discuss the matter. E not so friendly right now.**

** Personal Status: i do what I have to to stay alive...not evil no matter what e says... am I?**

** Day Twenty-seven:**

**e still mad. In the mountains now. Army getting closer... me getting tireder. **

** Personal Status: close to exhaustion... resolvedly not evil...**

** Day Twenty-eight:**

**army just a league away(about 4 miles...see I know better). Horses have to be driven along now. Should be getting close now. Is arya's last day to live, so says e. don't want to go to the varden but seems to be no way out.**

** Personal Status: worried... dog tired... not evil...**

** Day Twenty-nine:**

**At the varden now :( don't want to be here so let's find out how this came to be. As soon as I figured out that there was no way out I stopped and e asked what the heck I was doing. I told him I wouldn't go to the varden because they wouldn't accept me. He just had to asked why not and I ended up telling him that my father was Morzan the traitor and dragon killer. E didn't believe me and the dragon got angry. As proof I had to show him my scar that daddyo gave me at age three. Still not sure if he believed me but wasn't really caring right then. So we battled our way to the varden and got in safe. Little magic creep scan e's brain, not that he has one but, then he wanted to see mine. I was like Hail no! And he was like Hail yes! I won out so we get to stay in a stone room for the night. Apparently the varden ain't as hospitable as e thought.**

** Personal Status: TRAPPED!...not evil no matter who my father was...**

** Day Thirty:**

**slept in stone room woke up to sound of e and dragon both snoring. Pleasant times. Had to shave with sword, didn't get cut at all, and e was thrilled with my talent. Got to eat a little, now are waiting for something remotely interesting to happen. Still bummed about being here, e happyish though. Think the brain probe yesterday may have been a slight downer for e. not that I care, e probably had a secret candy stash or something like that, but what the heck could he have actually known about galby?**

** Personal Status: BUMMED...not evil...**

** Day Thirty-one:**

**was taken to the big shiny city tronjeim, lots o' vardenese people got to watch and wonder "who in the world could that tall, dark, dashing, irresistibly handsome young man be?" met Varden leader, dark skin, ajihad. Said hello to him , but he was all like: I know your voice. And he somehow matched it up with my father's vocals. Could it be possible that he met dad in a karaoke joint? Well anyway, ajihad told me to remove my shirt, so I did, and he saw the scar. He knew who I was then and now here I am, back in the hooscow. Hooscow actually very nice, with all I can eat and read and sleep. might just have to live here.**

** Personal Status: hmph... not evil even though falsely accused of nothing...**

** Day Thirty-two:**

**Day one in jail still pretty good going too! Nothing to do but read eat and sleep.**

** Personal Status: contentedly not evil...**

** Day Thirty-three:**

**ajihad came to see me today and told me to just stay here for my safety and because he'd have me killed for escaping. He dosen't think i'd make it far if I got free, but I would! Believe you me! Also met ajihad's daughter nasuada. She's pretty, and nice, and regal. I like her...alot.**

** Personal Status: fine...not evil...**

** Day Thirty-four:**

**E came to see me. Was kinda surprised I wasn't rotting in dungeon. We talked a little and then he left. Had leftover roast beef today, medium rare and sided with mashed potatoes.**

** Personal Status: not evil... **

** Day Thirty-five:**

**picking up on tunnel gossip from the guards. Somethings going on. Something big. Some say the worlds ending, others say that there's a huge army of urgals heading our way. Both are pretty bad, BUT since there was nothing else to do I just sit back and read another documentary on late-night dwarf parties.**

** Personal Status: not evil and not caring...**

** Day Thirty-six:**

**was let of of hooscow. Ajihad said I could help varden fight against army of urgals which happens to be real. So here I am now with e and Arya and dragon, and orikdwarf who thinkie I loco. Just waiting now.**

** Personal Status: bored but ready for battle... not evil...**

** Day Thirty-seven:**

**still waiting for army. Had little spar with e to warm up. Still better than E. e pouted for hours. Then brightened up an started mumbling something about erg. Dosen't even make sense. I got the tip that erg stood for something. Everyone runs goonsville? Eragon rules gang... no... Eragon Runs Girly. That must be it. Maybe saw nasuada around here. **

** Personal Status: eragon runs goofy...hehe...not evil...**

** Day Thirty-eight:**

**the urgals got here, had to save E's sorry heinie, TWICE! Then e had to go be moronic elsewhere, and I had to be heroic right where I was. Apparently e managed to kill da shade, and then we won when the u's went loco. MRG! Murtagh Rules Gang! Just thought of that! But we so totally do! I'm sure e agrees but he's currently unconsious.**

** Personal Status: not evil...I RULE!...**

** Day Thrity-nine: **

**E woke up today. That's not very exciting so let me tell you about the colorful socks I found in e's luggage, which btw the dwarves accidentally misdirected and ended up in the dessert. They were purple and orange and pink and green and puce. Puce makes me think of puke. So anyway...e woke up and found out that shade gave him a scar just like mine. I have suspicions that e may have gotten it tattooed onto him so he could be more like me but apparently angela says it's real. Arya not happy that so many died during battle. But I say heck with that! WE WON!**

** Personal Status: not evil... who wouldn't want to be like me as am image of heaven on earth...?...**

** Day Forty:**

**Have embarked on mission to smoke out extra surviving urgals with ajihad, twin-idiots, and some other dudes. Ajihad almost trusts me now. Blah blah blah.**

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Forty-one:**

**second day on urgal hunt, have already killed a lot. Twins like to poke fun. Said my father ate turnips. So I said that they were dabblers. Love that word...dabble...also love blithering. Twins also whisper to each other a lot, so I thinkie they plotty.**

** Persoanl Status: suspicious of twins...not evil...but the twins ARE...**

** Day Forty-two:**

**BAD BAD BAD NEWS. Were just getting back to glass city when were ambushed by urgals. They appeared to take me and the twins captive, but ya know what? I'm the only captive here. Ya wanna know why? Cuz the twins are Eeeeeeeeeeeevil.**

**Let me hear you say it... E-V-I-L-B-O-Y-S! and so they spent an hour in some hidden cave giving me the big reveal. Apparently they're working for galby. AUGH! Just my luck, I always knew they were goons, and it hurts to be right. So then they used red paint to bloody up my tunic ( I don't know why we don't just call it a shirt cuz that's what it is, I mean come on! Tunic?) and one of the twins spare robes. These they strew ( another crazy talk word, what is this the middle ages, I thinketh nay!) along a big deep dark crack in the floor. So now it looks just like we've been killed, great! What will e do without me?**

** Personal Status: far from giddy...not evil...in the company of evil...**

** Day Forty-three:**

**have been feeling strange sensations from anti-spy necklace. Must be someone trying to find me. I would take it off and let them find me but am tied up and incapacitated ( a cool word that e can't pronounce). So we are headed to urubaen to see the king, and this ain't no 'we're off to see the wizard' gig. It's been three day since capture and have had nothing to laugh at but the twins' "real men are bald" robes. **

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Forty-four:**

**Am almost to urubaen, which I have begun to call urubean. Is this the first sign of madness? Hope not, cuz since i'm the image of honesty and handsomness, must also be image of sanity.**

** Day Forty-five:**

**in urubean. Was dragged, the image of defiance ( handsome handsome defiance), before the king, who was like, " I hate to say it dorothy, but you ain't in Kansas anymore!" then he threw me in the dungeon for disobeying him and for ingratitude for the hospitality he had shown me as a boy. So here I sit in jail. I have decided to blame eragon for all of this, just cuz he can't object, and now i'm back where I started. Well not exactly, this time I'm worse off. **

** Personal Status: trapped...not evil...but sad...**

** Day Forty-six:**

**today was taken out of cell by king and into dragon vault, where btw he keeps shruikan, the bigbig badbad black lizzard. Also keeps two dragon eggs there. So he made me touch both eggs to see I they'd hatch for me. If one does hatch will I end up thinking like e? Hope not cuz that would greatly decrease my image of human perfectness. Don't want lizzard either, too brainy, wold make me look bad. Not to mention if I got a blue one I would hate it cuz blue is not my color. So now here I am back in jail and they're waiting to see what will happen to the eggs. **

** Personal Status:not evil...people trying to make me evil...will never submit...**

** Day Forty-seven:**

**two days later eggs not hatched. in jail cell still.**

** Personal Status: hangman champ against cell guard...not evil...**

** Day Forty-eight:**

**Interesting news... an egg hatched...FOR ME! In deep dark trouble now cuz galby is trying to make me a minion. Dragon is red by the way. I happen to like red so it's cool. King moved me to penthouse castle suite to try to win my favor. I'm not buying it, but I gotta pretend I AM buying it to keep the suite, so yeah. Itty bitty dragon actually really cute, like it a lot actually. Wish e could see me now! Also now gably say's I have magic powers which is boss. So I'm gonna get lessons in that asap. Wow.**

** Personal Status: rider...not evil...**

** Day Forty-nine:**

**has been 2 weeks since hatching. I can communicate with dragon through mind, but it can't talk so I just use head pictures and smells and emotions. I sent dragon (no name yet) picture of nasuada, and I think it agrees that she's pretty. So galb still working on minionizing me, but so far no luck, good for me. I am planning my second escape from urubean, actually it would be my first escape cuz I only escaped from urubaen last time. See? **

** Personal Status: not evil...dragon agrees...**

** Day Fifty:**

**drago said first word today, and is also big enough to sit on and run around on. Can't fly on him tho, not big enough yet. Anyways, drago said: Murtagh. That's my name! So I think I should find it a name now. I tried a bunch that e tried to use, but NO! I only discovered it's name a couple minutes ago in the garden, when I tripped over a rosebush and got a thorn in my foot. So I hopped around yelling : Thorn thorn! The dragon liked it so the exchange kinda went: Thorn-yes-Thorn-yes-Thorn-yes. And I was like Wha? So then I named it thorn and it was like: what up dawg?**

** Personal Status: not evil …**

** Day Fifty-one**

**thorn about a month old now can fly with me a little bit. Guess whaaaaat! **

**I am now 19 years old! Have been taking lesson on just about everything. Bad news is... i'm a minion of the king. He found our true names and made us swear loyalty to him, we cannot disobey him now. Not only is this bad... it's sad. I might just end up evil after all, if galby makes me do something bad. NO, never, i'll never agree to it! But anyway, new powers truly rule! Can scry like e too but probably better. Tried to scry e the other day, but is wearing anti-SCRY necklace, so I didn't see him.**

** Personal Status: Sad... not evil...yet...**

** Day Fifty-two:**

**Thorn about two months old now. Getting bad at writing every day. learned how to kill with magic today. I have a bad feeling that if I ever have to use it on a human, I really will be evil. Also started working on mind stuff, so I can reach out more with my mind to far off places. Have started giving galby attitude to show him how much I hate him. He just has to put up with it though because he chose to bind me to him with magic so he can't get rid of me. Met new servant named Larry. He comes up to clean my room so sometimes we play Parcheesi. Not really as fun as e but ok. Thorn thinks I should take up the art of barbeque, hmm?**

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Fifty-three:**

**rumors that the varden ( now lead by NASUADA!) are moving to surda, which is the only other ruled country in alagaesia. Galby has sent me to recruit more troops. This is my third mission where i've had to fly around on thorn. It's fun , and I get to be alone with thorn. Thorn's mad cuz galby jumped his growth so I could ride him sooner, he's only two months. and a half! So right now we're in dras leona. I took the time to go see where brom was buried too. **

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Fifty-four:**

**news: I have a brother! Just before my father was killed my mother had another kid? Apparently morzan didn't know tho. She hid the proof and went to give birth in her home town, which apparently is Carvahall! But guess what? The kid... was...oh the drama...ERAGON! he was given to her family and raised in carvahall, and is now a rider. That puts more of a damper on things, cuz if I ever have to fight e , not only will I have to fight a friend, but i'll have to fight a brother! Kinda happy tho cuz now i'm not the only one with a horrible father.**

** Personal Status: puzzled...not evil...have brother...and cousin!...**

** Day Fifty-five: **

**magic training today after I got done teaching losers to win war. Learned how to use pressure on others minds. Big whoop.**

** Personal Status: not evil...**

** Day Fifty-six:**

**it's been a couple months since i've written, galby made thorn even bigger, which make the dragon's head spin, interesting to watch. Rumor has it that e is back with the varden in surda. So the army is in motion toward the burning plains. Gotta get into armor now.**

** Personal Status: going to the big battle...not evil...**

** Day Fifty-seven:**

**HA! I beat eragon on the burning plains! He didn't know it was me until he tore off my helmet, nearly tore off my ears in the process. Well anyway... we fought a lot blah blah blah. I told eragon that he's my bro, and he didn't like that. Not sure why tho, I would be thrilled to find that I had a super cool older brother. I did e a HUGEMONGUS favor and let roran my new cousin kill those awful twins. Never liked them, bald, bad breath, kinda porky, not good. But even though I won, I decided to let e go, against orders, but galby said I only had to try to capture him. I killed king hrothgar before I fought e, which is troubling, because I wasn't ordered to do that, but I did it anyway. …... well, does this make me evil?**

** Personal Status: Evil?...i hope not!...**

** Day Fifty-eight:**

**back at urubean. Have decided not to worry about hrothgar's death even though it was my fault AND galby is starting to call me kingkiller. It's kinda catchy though.**

**Larry finally managed to beat me in Parcheesi, so I decided to challenge him to monopoly, and let me tell you... I monopolized him. And I kept winning until galb said he wanted to play, and then it was curtains, I lost.**

** Personal Status: Parcheesi champ... Monopoly Loser... not evil...**

** Day Fifty-nine:**

**am I evil? Im not sure any more. My intentions are golden, but galb makes me do mean stuff. People are afraid of me. They call me and thorn monsters, but all I can do is smile and say something cheery. Thank goodness for Larry, he's my pal and he knows the truth. Galb made us fly a mission to cut off a group of people going to join the varden, they didn't like being stopped, but as soon as I had them all restrained I made a big pot of soup, and their hostile feelings evened out a little, they said at least I wasn't a complete waste. But of course even If I weren't a wonderful chef, I still wouldn't be a waste, because I am the image of honesty, handsomeness, intelligence, and coolness. But I guess when you're under magical restraint those little things escape you.**

** Personal Status: seriously not evil...**

** Day Sixty:**

**Have had a shot of free time during which I have been able to do many good deeds and what not to convince myself that I ain't evil. By the way: ain't ain't a word and ya ain't supposed to say it. That's what larry said the other day and I thought it was brilliant! I have set up a soup kitchen in my room and have had larry deliver food to starving people and such. Also took thorns advice and learned to barbeque, and cake decorate, but that was my idea. I made a HUGEMONGUS birthday cake for galb, who really appreciated it. And maybe making a cake for an evil king doesn't count, but it was a thoughtful act. **

** Personal Status: not evil... Chef Extraordinaire! **

** Day Sixty-one:**

**so there were rumors going around that my cousin roran was getting hitched, and galb was sore that he didn't get invited... so he sent me to crash the party. But the thing is that the men under my command didn't want to get hurt in a big old battle, they aren't too fond of pain. Rigged a spell so they can't feel pain, and then they agreed to go. Gosh... you'd think since I am in command, that getting to pal around with me would be enough to lead them anywhere. So we went to the vardens camp and shook things up a little. I had to fight E again, and I guess my heart wasn't in it or something cuz he beat me, with a little band of elves to help him... galb didn't give me enough dead dragon hearts to help me along. Well e was all happy and stuff but I stabbed him in the hip and then he used my specialty spell to tie me up. But he didn't tie up thorn, e's an idiot like that. So after thorn took me far enough away we ended up falling out of the sky but then flew away. E wasn't as lucky... he crashed and burned... well... he didn't burn, but he should have... that would have been AWESOME! so then we went back to urubean, ahead of the troops that were mostly dead anyway.**

** Personal Status: back home again...not evil... I was following orders...yeah...**

** Day Sixty-two:**

**hired on a 24 hour bard who plays the lute, drums, bongos, harmonica, harp, and the banjo. He's awesome, and he'll play anything I want to hear. Since i'm still on break or whatever, music helps me get through the boring moments. Thorn likes to hear Big Bad Jeod, but I am personally sick of that song. I have been listening to a newish little thing called my marsha or something... no, no it was marinzadi, thorn corrected me. But whenever we don't have a request, the bard will play his oldies selection, stuff like: Ceunon Sunset, and the elvish slide, and cotton nosed harold. Yeah, I like to dance along, it passes time. I'm gonna try learning the haradrac song now, you know: In the dessert the Mighty dessert the animals die of thirst (bum bum buway)! Oh yeah. Also, I'm sick of songs that end in : and then he died.**

** Personal Status: have amazing singing voice... not evil... choir of angels...**

** Day Sixty-three:**

**it rained today, so I took the advice of the bard I hired. He said to me: Bud, you ain't lived 'til you've danced in the rain. So I did. I danced and danced, and all I got was wet. I gotta say that it wasn't that great. It took an hour for my clothes to dry out, and my hair dried funny. All in all, this day could have been better. Thorn is flying around above the rain and says he won't come down until it stops. Then later in the day galb sent us to fly to gilead and fight ANOTHER RIDER. Apparently some old elf dude survived and hid out and is now with the elf army. So I had to fight this ginormous golden beastie and his rider oreo. Well galb took over and started talking through my mouth and moving with my body, which I am pretty sure is a form of mooching, and as you know I am very anti-mooching. So galb used me to kill the rider and dragon, his problem solved. Man I am ticked at the dead drago-rider pair now, bein all secret and stuff.**

** Personal Status: Wet and Bothered...not evil though...**

** Day Sixty-four:**

**it's been a couple weeks since that rainy day, and all i've been dong is recruiting soldiers and training them. With all the sword fighting and leading the dang men through obstacle courses and trying to get them to do their own push ups, I am exhausted. Period. Thats it. Just the bottom line. Pooped.**

**So anyway, galb is preparing the forces and trying to get them all into urubaen so we can prepare for the varden comin down the yellow brick road. In two or three days galb is sending me, thorn, and 500 soldiers to Dras Leona to hold the city against the varden who will be there soon. Ugh, I hate business trips.**

** Personal Status: road trip...not evil...**

** Day Sixty-five:  
So here we are at Dras Leona, waiting for the stoopid varden to show their ugly faces... went swimming in the lake and thorn burnt up my clothes while I was under the water, little punk. Got in some nice tanning time though, and have re-vamped my bronze for another month or so...SO... really nothing going on now... like I said before the varden are a little off our schedule right now. **

** Personal Status: tanned and rested and alone...not evil...**

**Day Sixty-six:**

**Okay... so the varden showed up and pitched their ugly, wimpy little tents about half a mile from the city walls. They don't know i'm here cuz thorn has stayed out of sight, which is possible because unlike saphira he is in shape. This might be mean of me to say, but they are my enemies so why not: E and his lizard are letting themselves slip, they are getting a little porky doing nothing all the time. I however have been training troops for galb and am in excellent shape. :D :D :D **

** Personal Status: Preparing the cities defenses... not evil...**

** Day Sixty-seven:**

**well the varden made an advance on the city, and they sent up a little squire boy to yell his head off at me... me who got to wear a really cool black cloak and not be recognized. So the squire was all like come out come out where ever you are... I had had to point out to the dumbbutt that I was overexposed as it was... standing on the blasted walls. He agreed that that was true and moved along with his speech... they wanted us to surrender cuz apparently they were not upset with the people of Dras Leona, only Galbatorix, so if we surrendered they wouldn't kill everyone... as if! I was all cool like: you guys are all IDIOTS! and they were like: WHY? And I said: Because you'll never win! and they were like: WHY? Honestly people, do I have to spell it out for you? I said... then thorn made a big showy appearance and the varden were all like: GASP! And us in the citay were all like : LOSERS! **

**so the varden backed off, and went back to camp to strategize and think and stuff. So now we have to wait until they either attack or give up and go home.**

** Personal Status: waiting on the V AGAIN!... not evil... just doin my thing...**

** Day Sixty-eight:**

**the varden did nothing today, still thinking I guess... I played all the men at checkers and won all the game except for the old guy that accompanies us EVERYWHERE! He's a wise guy, we call him the "Old Goob" hahaha. Well the old goob beat me and then imparted some kind a wise comment to me: "Sonny... you haven't lived until you've danced in the rain." Was this some kind of sick joke? Buddy I have been there done that! And so I told him " Old dude, I have already danced in the rain." and he smiled and said to me... "you loser" **

**GASP... that bard of mine really put one over on me, and now this old goob was exploiting that in me! So I put salt in his coffee. Take that goob. But then I realized I had put it in the wrong cup, and that the cup belonged to BIG Larry. Big larry is BIG BIG BIG and if I weren't his commanding officer he could probably turn me into a mashed potato imitation. Well I would just have to pretend I had nothing to do with it.**

** Personal Status: Checker almost-CHAMP!...not evil... but devious...**

** Day Sixty-nine:**

**Well today I did nothing again, which means I got to take a nice long nap and then go up to the highest tower and sunbathe again. Even more bronze now, the bronzer the better. E would be sooo jealous. I could see him from the highest tower roof, ya know, and he is WAAAYYY pale. Also way little from all the way up there... but I know from personal past friendship that he actually is little. Shorter than me and also not as muscular, take that E. personal criticism at his expense is my way of paying him back for all the mooching he did off my soup back when I was babysitting him. But of course maybe because we're bros I should forget about that...no... the fact that we're bros just makes it all worse,,, so yeah... I can criticize him alllll I like. Oh and the varden did nothing yet again.**

** Personal Status: Bronzed... Glorious...not evil... have dumb brother...**

** Day Seventy:**

**something actually DID happen today for once. The army of dwarves came to join up with the varden. I remember the time I spent with the dwarves... of course I was in the hooscow for the most part. Dwarves are short, hairy, and honestly not all they're cracked up to be... not too smart.**

** Personal Status: wayyyyyy smarter than a dwarf...not evil...**

** Day Seventy-one: **

**kinda hard to see what's goin' on in the V's camp from this city, but I think that roran got back from capturing aroughs. Galb will probably be upset that it got captured, but I don't really mind cuz I stayed in aroughs once on business for galb and the people there are nasty cooks. So anyway... they still haven't made an attack and I am sick of waiting for their sorry brains to come up with a good idea for attack. Nasuada is smart...i know that and I am NOT bias, thank you very much thorn... so why hasn't she attacked yet?**

** Personal Status: thinking about nasuada... not evil...**

** Day Seventy-two:**

**They didn't attack today either, but last night they pretended that they were going to... UGH! They woke me up at 3 AM! nobody was meant to be up at that hour, that's what BEDS are for you numbskull vardenese people! I am somewhat enraged at this very rude action taken in the middle of the night, and they didn't actually do anything but make a big racket...**

** Personal Status: Enraged by lack of sleep...not evil...enraged...**

** Day Seventy-three:**

**woke me up again last night too... how RUDE! what are they trying to do? When you plan out a battle you make a firm decision on the date and time of said attack, AND you make sure that all of your troops know when it's gonna be so there is no mistake! GOSH! you have no idea how aggravating this is!**

** Personal Status: dogtired...not evil...**

** Day Seventy-four:**

**woken up again last night... not very happy with the varden. I know were enemies and all but can't they at least TRY to be amiable. So I was making soup in the royal kitchen of Dras Leona and the royal cook who works for Lord Tabor, the guy who runs this joint. Anyway the cook said I should let the soup cool for 15 minutes before I ate it... I looked him in the eye and said: ain't nobody got time for that! **

** Personal Status: hot soup... not evil...**

** Day Seventy-five:**

**today was a bad day. That's the bottom line...it was bad. So the varden launched another punk attack, except this time it wasn't foolin'. They were all lined up with their war machines and all that jazz. Saphira and E were rallying the varden on the ground and such, so we didn't mess with them for the time being. So we got all our soldiers together and started the siege on a good note. Finally E took saphira up in the air and we started going at it like nobody's business... but it was our business so it's cool. Then after we'd been fighting for about 3 hours (tiring) something weird happened. Saphira started tearing up that ugly cathedral at the peak of dras leona. So I guess we were trying stop them when we kinda fell through a hole saphira made in the roof. Then she collapsed the whole thing on us. Yeah... bad day. I ended up underneath thorn and a million tons of rubble...YAY. don't know what saphira's problem was, got up on the wrong side of camp? Well all the eldunari's (dead dragon hearts) strength plus mine and thorns got us out of their alive, but I was ticked...let me tell ya. So then we chased her around a little more and realized that she didn't actually have E on her back. She had one of E's magic elves that was disguised as E. well that was nice. E had actually been in the city all this time i'd been buzzing around like an imbecile, rooting around with a small band of gypsy's. So he threw a bunch of rocks at me with magic and blasted us out of town. We decided to go back to galb and give him heck for this little incident, so now were are waiting to go into conference with Galb.**

** Personal Status: bruised and battered... but not evil...**

** Day Seventy-six:**

**had long talk with galb about a big retaliation affair. The varden captured the city but our spies say that they are already on the move again toward urubean. So galb wanted me to go kill nasuada, cuz he was a bit mad. But I am a convincing little devil, and I convinced him to just capture her instead. That's my job too... so I gotta get going again.**

** Personal Status: Planning an abduction...but very not evil...**

** Day Seventy-seven:**

**I did it...long story short... I captured nasuada yesterday and got her back to urubean. Well galb has her locked up in the nutcase room. He wants to torture her, and honestly... I couldn't talk him outta that. He won't let me see her either, he knows I kinda like her. So I spent all of today cleaning my room cuz my personal staff is on vaca.**

** Personal Status: I am my own servant now... not evil...**

** Day Seventy-eight:**

**the only person who has gotten to go see nasuada is that porky jailer that galb assigned to the nuthouse. What does that guy DO all day when he's not doing jail stuff? Eat, eat, eat. That's probably the answer, because gosh is he BIG! he must have a tub of lard for breakfast. I know that this is really only a term of speech ( tub of lard), nobody eats lard in civilized society... but the saying must have come from somewhere...and the more I see of that creepy guy, the more I think that he is not familiar with the behavior of civilized people. Eww, glad i'm not nasuada, she probably has to think up her own jokes and laugh at them all, just to pass the time... that may be why they call that jail the nuthouse...maybe...**

** Personal Status: Contemplating lard... it's gross... not evil...**

** Day Seventy-nine:**

**well... not much doin' today either, galb still letting Lardo do all the work in the nuthouse. The staff is back from vaca in the countryside, and I shocked them with my messy room. Garald, the head cleaner guy was like: ONE WEEK, we were gone ONE WEEK! How could you manage to make this much of a mess in that amount of time? and I was like: believe me it was NOT easy! And he was like: Did you make this mess on purpose? And I was like: maaaybe... and he was like: GASP! Did you draw on the walls?! and I was like: maaaaaaaaaaaybe... also: Thorn left a few piles of dragon doodies for the staff to clean up too... my my my my my...gracious...**

** Personal Status: not evil... my my my... my my... my...**

** Day Eighty:**

**Okay, today I got to go with galb to see nasuada. However we unfortunately didn't get to talk to each other because before me and ol' galb went in, galb made me put on this little silver mask and told me to pretend I was a weasel: act like a weasel meaning that weasels don't talk. I wasn't happy about the no talking weasel thing, but the mask thing did look good with my eyes. So we went into the nuthouse and nasuada was chained to this rock. Galb made me go stand in the corner til he needed me, and then he started to talk to nasuada. He was telling her that he knew everything about the varden... blah blah blah. He asked if she wanted to join his army and tried to bribe her with pretty clothes, and money and power and the second best bedroom suite in the palace. Now, I could have sworn that I had been given the second best suite, second to galb's own, but here he was promising her MY suite! UNLESS... my suite is third best and galb has been hiding the second best from me! GASP! Well she turned him down flat, which was not what he wanted to hear so we tortured her til she passed out, wasn't that nice? Lolz no it wasn't nice, but around here we call that sarcasm. **

** Personal Status: thinking that it really won't help nasuada to see what a great guy I am when galb makes me brand her with hot irons... but im still not evil cuz galb MADE me do it...**

** Day Eighty-one:**

**So anyway, torturing nasuada kinda messed with my mind some, I guess. **

**I hate myself for hurting her, even though it was galb's fault entirely. I sat in my room awhile after the torturing, in the dark, just a thinkin' profound thoughts, ya know? Self-loathing is good in a way I guess, means im not truly evil evil. But it's bad cuz I loathe myself for not being able to resist galby, not good for self esteem. So I went clubbing, bar hopping if you will, and (shame on me) got drunk. Goood beer, bad dizzy. Got into a fight with BIG Larry, who found out it was me who put the salt in his coffee. He was drunk too, I was less drunk however ans managed to whoop him up, with out getting too banged up myself. Then I went back to the nutcase room. Nasuada was conscious now, a good sign, and we kinda stared at each other a while, then I got bored and sat down on the floor. I was still kinda drunk (very) and in an attempt to sober up I drank a little from a flask of Gatorade I had on me. Didn't work. My hair was being fabulous though, all shaggy and dark, obscuring my face in shadows, the works. My knuckles were all torn up a bleeding from my fight, which was irrelevant to the current story. Then I started talking and blabbing about Tornac and the good old days and stuff, nasuada just listened. Then I told her it was my fault that she had been brought here instead of killed and apologized, points for being a good soul. Then I decided to stop being an idiot and shut up. That decision didn't last long, drunk remember? I pretty much spilled out all my problems to nasuada, who im pretty sure was aching for entertainment. I kinda cried a little, but no worries, it was just silent tears, cuz im the strong silent type guy, very lovable. But anyway, I took the pain out of her wounds, because im angelic like that, and she said that she could not forgive me, but she understood. So yeah, not the best day, but not the worst.**

**Personal Status: not particularly evil by choice... what choice do I have?**

** Day Eighty-two:**

**hung over very much today. Not thinking very straightish. I might go back to see nasuada again, maybe. Later today, right now... I gotta sleep**

**Personal status: hungover... trying hard no to be evil...**

** Day Eighty-three:**

**went and saw nasuada again late last night. Healed her wounds like the hero I am. Feeling much better about life today, not evil lolz! So she was like "OMG does galb know you're here?" and I was like "dont know dont care". She wanted me to help her escape, and I was like har har har lady. No can do. Then she got all demandy and wanted me to unchain her and let her stand up. Gosh, you start thinking a girl is pretty and the next thing you know she's asking impossible favors of you! So I let her up. Technically she is my enemy, so I had to warn her not to try and kill me, that would be a waste of handsomeness, big time. I went and sat down, cuz after all its the middle of the night and Im pooped, and she sat down next to me... smooth. We started talking some, bout tornac and eragon, and stuff. She started trying to convince me to rebel against galb, and stuff and that kinda talk is way annoying, because its just crazy talk. I cant work against galb, period. So I chained her back up, but just so she wouldn't think I was being too mean I cast a tricky little spell to shield her from pain. Then I went on my merry way, whistling and all that jazz. She totally digs me.**

**Personal Status: Whistling...not evil...**

** Day Eighty-four:**

**Ya know, I find myself wondering, where the hell is E through all this? Why hasnt he tried to bust out nasuada? Not that I really want him stealing away my chick, but he is her vassal or something retarded like that... so where is he. It would be just like e to take a lovely seaside vaca about this time. **

**Personal Status: just ticked... not evil though...**

** Day Eighty-five:**

**Galb took me to go torture nasuada again. I was gonna say no, but galb gave me oreos. One thing I hear about the elves is that they're anti oreos or some such nonsense. Gosh elves! And no, it wasnt a bribe, I cannot be compromised with a bribe. Am the image of incorruptibility. So we went down to the nuthouse, with this little box that galb had, and he wouldn't let me see what was inside. Turns out, nasuada had used a sharp spoon to kill that tub-o-lard jailer and try to escape. Galb wasn't enthused about that. So this was punishment time. But there were no branding irons for me to play with this time so I just leaned against the wall, with all 100 degrees of hotness that I am. I made sure my face was all grim and hard, like those guys from the stories and stuff... chicks dig that. Then galb opened the box and took out this vomitrocious worm thing. He dropped vomit-worm onto nasuada's arm, and it started to chow down, eeeeeeeeewwwww. Nasuada screamed a lot, and started mumbling things in some dumbbutt language. Galb thinks that nasuada is sooooooo whiny, which makes me wonder why he's even trying to win her over to our side of the war. That's why he's torturing her, I think.**

**Personal Status: she's not VERY whiny, only a little...not evil...**

** Day Eighty-six:**

**I've been being to think of how my life is becoming less and less carefree and adverturousy, and more and more like the plot of some novel. What can I say? Times are rough. Im not the swaggering hero as much as I used to be. Now im some cursedly hot and hopelessly evil (not actually evil) name slave of a very powerful dark lord. Its very romantic in a way, it WOULD make a good novel, or soap opera, but I do miss the good ol' days on the road (with or without e). so ANYWAY... I was kinda worried about nasuada so very early this morning I went back to the nuthouse to see how she was doin'. She was awake and a bit cranky. All eaten up by those vomit-worm things ya know? She was ticked at me because apparently my anti-pain spell did not work out for her. But I had healed her all up, so she wasn't mad for long. She got up and made me give her my cloak to wear temporarily (demandy). We sat down and were all quiet and thoughtful for a while. Then nasuada wimped out and started bawling. Then all of the sudden she was in my arms and was sobbing against my chest and getting my tunic (crazy shirt word) alllll wet. But I really didn't mind that much because she's a chick. A hot chick, and I AM a ladies man after all. So I said I was going to try to free her, not realllly meaning it, but what they hay, she stopped crying. So she let me touch her mind so she would know what my mind felt like and stuff, and she was mind-reciting this bizarre poem thing, about some old fart in elhariem with ugly poop-yellow eyes. Ladies and gents, poop is not yellow. Its brown. But the dude's eyes were yellow. Whatev. Then I tsk tsked her for killing the guard, even though he WAS repulsive. Then we just chatted a while, and I told her about the SWEEEET saddle I made thorn, which has a heated seat. And she told me some dumb tribal story from her days on the Res. So then I got bored and left, can you blame me? Just as I was about to leave, she was all like "why the sam hill are you going to help me? Your the enemy?" and I had no idea honestly. So I pulled out the rogue charm I was born with and said something mysterious "you know why" she doesn't know why, because I dont even know why, DUH!**

**Peronal Status: pooped from all the talking... not evil...**

** Day Eighty-seven:**

**galb started a new way to break nasuada. Hes throwing a bunch of illusions at her to try to make her join up. So I am basically off work for now. WHOOP WHOOP! VACA at hommme! Thorn and me had a lovely time making cakes and playing chess (I won) and having a barbeque. Dragons LOVE barbeque. **

**Personal Status: King of the Grill!... not evil...**

** Day Eighty-eight:**

**I think I may have figured out what's wrong with my life, or at least one aspect of it. It's this thing I have for nasuada. Im pretty sure i'm in love with her, and that's "why" I agreed to help her. But I think it might be part of what's tying me down. You can't be wild and free if you're tied to some gal. So I need to determine whether I love her enough to sacrifice my freedom, or if I should break her heart and fly off into the sunset, which is altogether the more roguish and dramatic option. Wonder what dad would have done? Well I guess he found a way to be a dashing rogue AND keep the girl, but maybe only truly evil people can do that?**

**Personal Status: Pondering roguedom... not evil, just a rogue...**

** Day Eighty-nine:**

**haven't written in two days, been partying and carrying on and such. Had to mind contact nasuada yesturday, cuz galb quit pestering her with magical visions. Then last night I went to the nuthouse for a chat. So we chatted, then I left. Today I had to mind-scype again to tell her that galb was going to start doing it again. How obnoxious is he?**

**Personal Status: annoyed with galb... not evil...**

** Day Ninety:**

**The varden is now camped outside urubean. It's about time thay got here, somethin's gonna go down real soon. Big battle yadda yadda. That means e's out there, I can see him and that fat blue lizard now, man I hate blue. Red is sooo much better. Some times I also see the little dwarves and werecats and stuff too. We also get word that the elves are coming down from the forest country. Yeah... they've been beating up the northern towns and forcing vegan-ism over all the land. Miserable, right? **

**Personal status: feeling of boredom is coming over me... not evil...**

** Day Ninety-one:**

**bored bored bored. I have nothing to do today. Sooooooo bored. So I decided to get some troops ready for battle, since it looks like battle is pretty much inevitable at this point. But that's okay, I like battle, it makes me look great, as I am the image of a rugged warrior. **

**Personal Status: bored...not evil...**

** Day Ninety-two:**

**it's probably about time I faced this, I have become evil. I tried not to, and I still really dont feel very evil, im pretty sure I am. So I have decided to embrace my inner evil. Besides, the ladies like the bad boys. Anyways, Shruikan few out and scared the bejeezies outta the varden last night, and I sat back and laughed. Not only was it funny to see all the vardenese dorks running around like madmen (plus the elves who got here yesterday afternoon), but also the fact that the thing scaring them is a big ol' laid up FAT dragon who breathes fire (pronounced FIYAH). I almost died laughing. This is one of the things that led me to conclude that I was indeed evil. Good people don't laugh at the dooms of their ex-friends. I just sat back and said, "tough cookies"**

**Personal Status: evil, and actually enjoying it :)...**

** Day Ninety-three:**

**something quite interesting had occurred. This might be my longest entry ever. Its been a whole action-packed day since I wrote. So let's begin. The varden attacked at dawn. I had to go fly around on thorn to fight saphira. The dumb blue jerk-lizard was soooo retarded in the head that it went and crashed into my favorite tower, ohhhhh I was ticked. So we landed and were going at it on the ground, until I tried to stab e through the heart (evil stuff) but I the realized that the e on S's back was a PHONEY! Like phoney ****bologna**** man! He ****disappeared**** and so did the dumbbutt lizard. We'd been tricked! I figured out that e and his moronic friends had snuck into the keep and were trying to make their way to the throne room, but they'd never make it, because that place was booby- trapped to high heaven! Meanwhile the troops were trapped inside the keep because pesky little Eeeee broke the front doors, moron. So I went in the way e's gang went in, and saw them down the hall, e and lizard and arya and all these elves and some goth girl who creeped me out. I felt a small ****twang of sadness, remembering to good old days of MRG, just me and e and arya and orik, with no one to stop us under that blasted mountain, MURTAGH RULES GANG! Aw who cares. So I went into the gate room and fixed the gate, which took FOREVER! Gosh e! Gotta go bust up everything dontcha? At least I would consider try****i****ng to take a city while minimizing collateral damage! ****So then I went back into the corridor and the gang was gone. So I went back outside and flew up to the dragon hold with thorn. We entered the throne room dramatically from behind the throne. ****Hail hail, the gang was all there. Galb had even brought nasuada up for the show. I just figured there was gonna be a show since the gang was all there. In front of the throne was e and arya and lizard and the creep girl, and apparently galb had then all frozen and stuff. Of course galb and shruikan were there too, and let me just say that the room would be ALOT roomier without shruikan, like I said before – El drago fato. So anyway... ****had to do the stupid bow thing and say SIR to galb. He said I took long enough getting here, and I was like your gate, your fault. And galb was like you saying that this crap is my fault? And I was like no sir, sir. Then e tried talking to nasuada, ignoring the fact that she was gagged, the dope. Then galb and e exchanged some moronic banter and stuff. Then e challenged galb to a duel and then galb said e could fight me instead. Well poop, I ****wasn't**** even wearing my lucky socks. So we started getting down to it, fighting, and doin our thang. E is such a dope. We chatted a bit while we fought. I told e to ****jump off a cliff****, he told me to go suck eggs. He also revealed that he is only my half brother, meaning my mother was unfaithful yadda yadda. I am relieved that I am only half related to this imbecile. Turns out his real dad is that old dead coot brom. Whatevz. ****The fight was a real good fight, lots of circling each other and whatnot, we were using every move in the book, and a few moves that the dude who wrote the book forgot to include. We nicked each other up quite a bit. I had to yell-whisper at e a little bit, because if he had just minded his own business for one more day I could have sprung nasuada free... somehow. Anyway, it was a looong fight, but for nasuada's sake I could NOT lose. E started being all weird and squinty at me, little creep. Then e made a huge mistake, he let his sword drift away from him, getting tired I guess. So I made my move, to stab him through his ****weaselly**** little guts. He moved while I was doing this, IDIOT ****didn't**** your mamma ever tell you that its impolite to move during a stab? HOLD STILL! so I technically ****buried**** my sword into the extreme right of his ****weaselly**** guts. Then e did something TRE rude (****that's**** french). He stabbed me! in the gut, man did it hurt, but than God he missed the abs! I thought, hey i've never been stabbed this bad before, so I dramatically fell on my knees, just to show that my knees were still intact. Then galb said that e was the winner, and I was like, ****e**** you dorkus, why ****couldn't**** you have let me win? You think your soooo hot, well newsflash buddy... you still cant beat galb! Then e went all brotherly and kind (disgusting really) and asked why and all that crap. ****And let me just say... BAD ONION BREATH... so bad that my eyes started to water... so I said that if I had won I might have been able to free "her", you know her? But anyway, now it is time for me to reveal a secret... I am no longer galb's slave, but he ****doesn't**** know that... my magic name changed because I was being nice to nasuada or something. So now I could fight galb too, guess my days being truly evil were cut short, but I could still be a rogue. ****So I went all military tatco-talk, and was like "ready yourself". So I ****heroically**** pushed e aside and yelled the top secret magic word galb discovered AT galb. Then there was this mini lights show and galb was mad. Then Thorn attacked fat-blackie and the war was on. ****I told e that I had gotten rid of all the little magic ****shields**** galb had on, then galb put me out of commission, aka a nice nap. When I woke up there was a lot of noise and dust and I was being pulled across the floor. Then I was in this weird force field thing that apparently e had made, with the whole gang. Chummy. Then it was dark and quiet, and my guts still hurt, just saying. ****So we could see outside the force field, and got to see shruikan, who was dead, and galb who was dead but we actually couldnt see cuz e said he blew up, nice. And the explosion that happened while I was napping tore up the throne room big time, like remember what I said about minimizing collateral damage? What a dump! So anyway, the whole place started to crumble so we had to get out. So I unchained nasuada and took her wrist so we could get the goshums outta there. But then she did something which proves she digs me, she slipped under my arm and supported me, because after all I was mortally wounded, recall? But then arya butted her freakish elvish head in and I had to tell her where that last dragon egg was and stuff. THEN we were able to continue on our merry way while the castle fell apart behind us. But of course, since we can all be classified as action heroes now, even e, we never looked back. So we got to the safety of the courtyard and I went all adorable slumpy against thorn, cuz I was pooped. I healed myself because there was no WAY I was gonna let e have killed me. Then I healed thorn who had gone and broke his wing, the poor little dragon-wagon. ****Then I gently healed nasuada of her grievous wounds, e got all worked up cuz he thought I was gonna hurt her and stuff, I pretended not to notice. In my mind I was reeling, or whatevz, galb was dead, I was free, nasuada does dig me, I dig her... but I ****wasn't**** feeling so hip in the commitment. Plus, a lot of people hate me, for being evil and stuff, especially the dwarves and elves. I guess I had really made up my mind as to what I was going to do a while ago. So I told nasuada that I thought she was a pretty swingin' chick, and that maybe someday i'd come back and sweep her off her feet again. Then I left. That's it... it just flew off on my dragon-wagon. I was going to be a rogue for a while yet, and ****pursue**** my interests away from all the annoying peeps in Alagaesia. Like barbeque, and cake decorating, and cooking and sword fighting and stuff. It was adventure time for ol' Murt, and I suppose I always knew I was a heartbreaker, and king of the road. So thorn and I flew a little while before landing at the same place where e and arya and the horses and lizard and I had to cross the fat old river. Then we stood and though a while, just checking up on my ****recent**** decisions and making sure they were right... of course I was right! I always am. Then e flew in and was like, where the heck you goin'? And I was like, north a ways. And he was like, why? And I was like, just cuz... I gotta be free, I gotta get away for a while, until... (and then I divulged into some meaningful stuff about how I had been hurt by galb and whatnot). And e was like, aw come on... stay! And I was like, no can do e. and he was like, e? And I was like, fine whatever... eragon. There I said it! Then e was like ****you comin' back at all? And I was like, could be could be. And he was like, well when your ready to come back your welcome at my fire. HA! He probably just wants to mooch off my soup again! and I was like, sure okay. Then e told me about this place they found where there are a ton of dragon eggs hidden, which is good. Then Thorn told e thanks for not killing his rider, and I was like, yeah thanks whatever. Then e apparently had the heart of that big golden cuss dragon I killed at gilead, who started gabbing at me like, I cannot forgive you for what you did, but its okay cuz im not going to kill you. Pffft, stoopid dragon, like it even matters, it was galbs fault. Then another old drago heart "uma" or something, starts gabbing and saying dont go here dont go there, blabbity babbity blah. Basically vroengard, el-hariem, the barrows of anghelm, and anywhere where the ground is brittle, black and the air smells like brimstone. Lots of limitations to going north ya know? Whatevz. Then e was like, be careful. And went all sentimental, because SOMEBODY has to be mature about things, and was like, you too brother. And he was like, brother. Gosh e, way to spoil the nice moments with your big fat mouth. Then I had to tell him to make sure nasuada was safe and stuff, but not to go taking my girl... and he was like, you dig her dawg? And I was like, none of your beeswax moron! Then I took off. I thought to myself, dangggg I must look the image of awesomeness right now, and I was certain that I did. I could tell that good times were ahead, as I flew off into the sunset...****very epic.**

**The End.**

**Rosemary Anne Briggs.**


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